I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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