M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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