Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize