Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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