My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
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...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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