After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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