this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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