You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
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so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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