I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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