I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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