i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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