His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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