I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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