i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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