Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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