i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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