We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
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It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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