Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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