she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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