I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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