I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize