Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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