I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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