Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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