There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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