i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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