I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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