just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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