My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize