I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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