I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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