i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize