Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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