Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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