just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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