My room smells like vodka and shame
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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