Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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