i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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