do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Come see our sink grown plant.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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