You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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