I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Who did Billy Mays play for?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize