I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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