We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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