I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize