i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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