I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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