when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize