no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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