You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
do nipples grow back?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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