So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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